_heirloom
by christian alexis
There was nothing
Because that’s all you leave behind.
Severed strings and severed ties
In all of that silence
And all of those lies
I stare down this old guitar
Meant to make sounds in your absence.
I gave it the old college try
Replacing the rusted, worn-down strings
Thinking a new array of polished metal could revive it
But as I went through the motions It felt as empty as ever with no chance to hide it.
This is, however,
Not new thing with you
This old hunk of wood
This poor attempt at appeasement
Feels not unlike your absence
A hollow token with no reason.
The old mahogany sings
The age and struggle in the grain
The sickly-sweet smell of it,
It invites you to play again
But you see this tool
It demands wisdom and it requires pain
You see, in making music, we find honesty
And that was never your way.
Memories cannot fade when they never existed in the first place
My blessing was your absence
I was spared of that, spared of their fate
Their “always wondering”
Their frustration
Their denial
Their everlasting resignation.
She taught us well
She got us fed
She got us to read
She made us see
What would have been impossible had you been in the way.
And so you left
Using the back door
Not that you’re a coward
Cowardice towers above whatever level you managed to subsist.
But this is not a coward’s instrument
You did not endow it
It was abandoned to the abandoned.
You see, it requires more.
It requires strength.
It requires character.
It requires love.
But how could you understand?
Its aged, lived-in and lived-on surface
The wound copper scratching and punishing my fingertips
Another forgotten thing, you didn’t think was worth it.
But here we are
Strangers to each other
Yet we find a way to strike a chord
A way to make the best of an awkward situation
And there’s little frustration
Out of sight out of mind
Because of you, there’s nothing And that’s all you left behind.